California Gulls.

I fell asleep once we drove over the Nevada border. I was physically drained, emotionally embarrassed, and my body collapsed on itself. It was the middle of the day and it was hot. I listened to the Red Sox lose to the Angels and their season evaporated like the radio signal when we reached the California hills. I felt bad. Brandon was exhausted and Domenic was asleep too. I don't know how he drove the whole way. It wasn't the sleep so much as the escape that I enjoyed. I wanted to go home. I have completely missed the point of this trip. The Patriots lost to the Broncos and we listened to it. I don't like this place very much. It is red and hot and brown. It is just what I knew it was but I am not what I thought I was. I miss my bed.

The day was pulsing when I woke. My body felt hot. I felt like I was drowning in exhaustion. Domenic had been texting a friend and he said we might have a place to stay. The news didn't do much. I was staring out the window and the sun was rude and I could not escape it. There was an ad on the radio for tires or animal cruelty or cvs and I shut it off. I looked at Brandon. His cheek bones were barely hanging onto the skin beneath his eyes. It hung like saddle bags.

It was getting late but we gained the last hour we would in this country and it provided some relief but not much.

"I want to go home."

"Me too."

We drove for thirty miles in silence. When we reached the 405 the sun was waning but strong. I rubbed my eyes. Domenic slapped me in the back of the head and I turned around and starting punching at him. My body was tight and the sleeping bags were in the way so I punched them instead. It was not satisfying and I turned back around and felt my neck burn. Brandon laughed with half of his heart and we sat in silence again. I dozed off and then we pulled into a Jack in the Box and I ate half of a chicken sandwich because I knew I should be hungry. I wasn't. My stomach turned and I slouched in the front seat and put my legs on the dash. I needed to stretch but I didn't want to get out of the car. I heard Domenic speaking with Hanna outside the car in the parking lot of the Jack and the Box and Circuit city. It was muffled but I heard him say, "two lights - second right? and then what you will be ouside? Ok. Alright, yeah. We will see you in a few. Ok. Yeah we have it," he laughed, "see you soon."

I could smell salt. It was a light scent like mist. We parked and I got out. I immediately lit a cigarette. I saw a girl bounding towards us in the late afternoon sun.

"I can't believe you guys are here!"

Domenic hugged her and and I couldn't help but smile. Brandon hugged her too and rocked back from one leg to another while they embraced. It was nice to see. I introduced myself and we just started walking down the road towards a statue of a man holding a surfboard.

"How long have you been living here?"

"I have been at Imperial beach for a few months, living with my boyfriend and five of his friends from the navy.

"That must get crowded, are you sure you have room for us?"

"As long as it is only for one night," she smiled, "just kidding. Of course."

We walked towards a guy walking a pug puppy. "Xander!"

She ran towards the puppy. It could barely keep its legs beneath it. She picked it up.

"Come meet the boys. This is my boyfriend Justin. This is Xander, our new puppy."

"This may sounds iffy, but that is the cutest thing I have ever seen. Honest to God."

I pet his head and his whole face scrunched because the skin was hanging like play-dough.

We shook hands with Justin and walked towards the statue. When we reached the statue my eyes focused and I rubbed them. It was too vast. It was too beautiful. The sun was setting. It was setting over the water. I couldn't believe it. Vegas was washed away like that. Everything felt good again. We actually made it. Coast to coast. The ocean on the other side. The other ocean. Right in front of us. I took off my shoes and ran down in the sand. It was cold on my toes. I didn't stop. I ran straight in the water and dove into a breaking waves. I felt like a child. I was laughing and I swallowed some sea water. It tasted salty and warm. I lay on my back and a wave crashed over my head and spun me around under water. I planted my feet on the bottom and shot myself to the surface. I came out of the water and landed on my back. It felt wonderful. I looked and Domenic had already swam out a ways. He was laughing. Justin was laughing. Brandon was feeling the water out and like a child ran away from the surf, venturing back ever more curious. Hanna was laughing. Dripping wet we walked back to the apartment.

"Bloody Mary's anyone?"

"Over here."

"Yes."

"I'll do one."

We filled up our cups and walked back down to the water to watch the sunset. The sand was ice cold on my toes. The breeze blew light against my face. I was staring at the sun, it was red. The sky was purple and blue and pink and orange. We just sat for a while and I watched as the light slowly dwindled and we were left with the night. I watched a sea gull hop around the sand. It was a California gull. The first one I have ever seen. It was so familiar yet I knew it was the first. I smiled because nothing is too far from home even far from home. Nothing is untouchable and nothing is unknown. It is all here, all there, everywhere to understand. I am only here now but I think there is a part of me everywhere, like there is a part of everyone in me.