Boulder was beautiful. Denver was fun. We spent one evening camping in the foothills right outside Boulder and went into town to see a movie at a cinema. It was a nice break from the outdoors, and the movie was entertaining as hell. Inglorious Bastards, we saw. I was riveted. After the movie we had a light fire and it rained a little, so we called it an early night and slept on the hard ground. Joeb was leaving the next day and it was bitter sweet. It was nice - the extra space in the car and the vanishing need to be anywhere except California but we still had a month for that. It was sad to see him leave, though. You can never be sure when you will see someone again, and as we part ways I knew it was the last time this version of ourselves would cross paths. It is said people grow apart, but that is silly. It sounds like a weak attempt to sound profound. It is just one of those messy little details of our overlooked lives. This world is too large - our lives too little. Sometimes we wait for things that will never arrive. I am sad to see him leave.
It was back to the three of us and for the first time we had no real destination and didn't know a soul west of Chicago, east of San Francisco. It felt like a culmination of what we were waiting for. We left Denver around noon and started driving South to the Grand Canyon. Brandon checked the weather at the North Rim and saw it was hovering around zero. We put the brakes on that idea. Where to? - we thought for a while. Domenic spread out the map on his lap in the front seat. It was tearing at the folds and had a soggy appeal from all of the highlighter marks. Scanning the area a concerned look came over his face because of all the nothing in that part of the country.
"To be honest, I'm tired of the cold." We were driving through the Rockies and as we past Vail thought of stopping, ending the trip right there. "I'm just not ready for winter, not yet," I said as we passed the stick evergreens dipped in snow like splattered paint, dripping and drying in the cold winds under the singe of the sun.
"Utah?"
"What about it?"
"Do you want to go there? I see Arches National Park. I don't know much about it."
"Yeah, anywhere is fine."
We were disappointed in missing the Canyon, definitely. Maybe because we had never been, but being able to change the direction of the car to southwest without any repercussions or people to tell was a more exciting prospect. I had lost service on my cell phone when we came through the Rockies and I had yet to see more than a bar for more than a minute. I was starting to feel very alone and disconnected from my life, or at least what is familiar. I began worrying about the choice to distance myself from my friends, the ones I respect, because I feel like what I learn from them is invaluable and I will be a different person because of my decision to leave. In lieu of their absence I try to focus on what is good, because until God stands in front of my face nothing else feels remotely real.
"Can we camp here tonight?" Brandon asked the attendant at the entrance to the park.
"No. We only have about twenty sites and they are full."
My heart sank a little. The park was beautiful, canyons and cliffs swelled like muscles of the earth. They were a red clay and the sun intensified the color. It was warm, and when we were driving the breeze felt light on my face.
"If you drive south another four miles and take a left on 28, you can camp along that road. It is along the Colorado river. You can camp in all sorts of pull offs and what not along the river bank. You can have fires there too."
"That sounds wonderful. Thank you Ma'am you have been very gracious," Brandon said animated, "This is for you."
This summer we worked on the beach. All kinds of things wash up because of the way the currents work in and out of the bay. It is like the ocean's version of a closet - a dead body washed up at the beginning of the summer. It was a floater, and to be honest we had often discussed dealing with that. I couldn't believe it happened, but I didn't mind not being the one that found it. We had collected action figures and green guys and bathtub toys and spacemen and set them up in the beach shack because we were bored and it was entertaining. We brought those figures with us, and were handing them out at each toll across the country. This was the first and last park ranger to receive one and I am not sure if that is relevant to the story, but it is a part of the truth of it. She smiled and thanked Brandon and we drove away feeling cheated but I didn't know why.
The weather was nice. It felt like late August. We were nervous about not finding a place before dark once again but there was less concern because we were tired and Domenic said, "We could drive all night if we had too," and I realized we had spent most every night somewhere and we didn't have to spend it anywhere except on the road. It is a home for anyone who needs it and I find it rarely discriminates - perhaps never. It has been weeks since we've been settled. I have found solace in this. I lit a cigarette and turned up the dial on the radio and Bob Marley filtered through the car. The road will do just fine tonight.
As the light fought as a fire red we pulled off the road and found a place to camp. I exhaled and my hands relaxed as Brandon turned off the key and there was silence. Quiet and still we sat with the sunlight reflecting off the canyon walls in the late hours of the evening. In Utah we were able to laugh and it was warm and we began drinking wine as we set up the camp. We had stopped for firewood so in the evening we stacked the wood and began burning it slowly. Domenic was casually emptying the car, rearranging and asking for advice as we now had opened up so much of the car. Everything was loose here.
We sat around the fire and passed a jug of wine around and sang songs. We were playing the guitar and the drums and they were loud over the rush of the river. After a few hours we explored and Domenic fell down the bank and almost in the water. I laughed and the cliff gave way and I fell too. It was pitch black and we were laughing next to the raging Colorado drunk as we'd ever been sipping wine that made our mouths a maroon black in the night. We sat down by the fire and I looked at the highway of stars exploding above my head, constricted by the high walls of the canyon. It isn't much this night, I thought. We are just sitting in an obscure place and nobody knows where we are. There won't be a record of this and it won't ever be a great achievement in my life but right now is good and I don't want to be anywhere else. I looked at Brandon's face with shadows dancing with the rhythm of the fire and I tapped my toes to the beat of the guitar and we laughed until we fell asleep in our chairs. I woke up to the simmering coals and shaking I woke up Domenic and Brandon and we went to sleep on the warm ground.
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