let me die in my footsteps.

The sun is hovering behind rain clouds by mid-afternoon. We are driving due west into it. I am sitting under blankets and pillows in the back with Joeb. Domenic is in the passenger seat picking a wood-grain traveler's guitar Brandon picked up before the trip. As Domenic begins to strum I'm tired. I hear Brandon cough and the trees are passing us quickly but there are so many of them.

"Let me die in my footsteps, before I go down under the ground,"

grass as far as i can see, Mississippi soon, not like footsteps but more so like carbon, "I will not go down under the ground," the window smears my breath rain is falling now, the wipers squeak in the mist "cause someone is tellin,'" cyprus trees, every morning - "me death's comin' round"

"And I will not carry myself down to die, when I go to my grave my head will be high."

Joeb is asleep his face against the window. Brandon lights a cigarette and the rain is falling hard now like marbles and we slow. The defrost makes it hot in the car, but the glass feels cool except my breath which fogs like _____.

"Let me die, in my footsteps, before I go down under the ground," the rain is cold and the car is warm but damp like dew. in the summers at night i lay in my bed and my sheets warm ripped off my body it has all happened so fast, and we are leaving so that is why the sand still sticking to my clothes the ocean is gone then pacifica.

"There's been rumors of war and wars that have been, the meaning of life has been lost in the wind," i've been here before but not really once just here as we were there and then weren't like that song or penelope? i love or heard since before it was written, it was before it was.

"And some people thinkin' the end is close by, 'stead of learnin' to live they are learnin' to die," for is now just another now and another n-breaking like birds on a wire since the first and now not the last and the past is real but not more than shutter-flash, something brought here to me and this is not a dream until now is tomorrow again.

"I don't know if I'm smart but I think I can see, if someone is pullin' the wool over me," she looked pretty in the moonlight i thought that night would last longer than what is gone. Awake in my mind I have it still and I look at it, then at Joeb who is asleep. I am sweating. It doesn't matter. My eyes are closed and I know I won't sleep because I am too comfortable and when you think about it you can't ever fall as the pebbles crash like rain in the car and a wave i crash under and swimming whish, whish, whish, wipers wiping the water my arms propel through the sea and i can see the land now and crash over head a wave and then resting on the sand, now.

"And if this war comes and death's all around, let me die on this land 'fore I go underground," panting i lay in reigning sun, she laughs, i see her face but cannot reach and floating my legs like stones and then up and on the moon they don't touch ground, "there's always been people that have to cause fear, they've been talkin' of war for many long years," and domenic sings i sing but my head rolls like an anchor can't stop and the waves stopped crashing i see desert and the rays warm, an iron then searing off my skin sweat beads my brow i taste salt and thirst quenched by sand, cough, dry, coughing, i'm coughing, dying, and eyes burn in my throat i have read all their statements, swallow and stone and said not a word but now Lord God, i pity but terror let my poor voice be heard, sweat puddles and drinking nothing choking nothing laughing nothing i cry and puddles now i am swimming hot water, burning and breath breaking ribs and bursting and the surface is down i am spinning let me drink from the waters where waters mountain streams flood and the surface, cool let me smell of the relief of wildflowers flow free through my meadows and the clouds like a puppy, pant, laughing,- blood.

The window feels cool on my cheeks. Perspiration is pouring down my neck and face. My eyes closed. My head spins. My heart slows. I sigh.

"Let me die in my footsteps, before I go down under the ground."

My eyes open slowly and the car has a pulse and a pounding reverberates in my head. Domenic placed the guitar between his legs and I heard Joeb snore in the silence. Brandon flicked his cigarette and rolled up the window. I left my mind on the side of the road somewhere. The rain pours down like God around us. Our tires spin on in the silence. The rain pours down around us. My mind paces slowly, somewhere on the side of the road.