The Badlands.

"You sure you fellas want to do this? We got hotels ten miles back towards Wall." The ranger's breath slowly moved his moustache when he exhaled. He sat back in his chair and the squeaks echoed loudly through the station.

"I think we'll be alright," smiled Domenic wearing a plain white t-shirt and aviators, "been gettin' cold lately though?"

The static from the radio broke the silence. The ranger twisted the volume until it clicked off. He paused, "last few nights its been about twenty-five or thirty, 'bout the same tonight I reckon."

"Fires?"

The ranger chuckled, still concerned, "Not in this wind."

I looked at Domenic, he didn't seem phased.

"Well we better get moving and set up before dark." Brandon had just opened the swinging screen door to the ranger station. He looked inquisitive and I shrugged my shoulders.

"What's the deal with parking?"

"Pull off the road, can't be seen at your camp from the road either. Hike it in at least a half mile once you're ready to go. No fires, other than that, you fellas can do whatever ya want. We got buffalo at the northwest rim of the park. May want to head there."

Domenic turned to face the three of us, "Let's do this," and we nodded in agreement.

Outside the day was bright like a storm had been lingering for weeks and the sun had finally chased away the clouds, but it felt volatile- like at any moment the clouds would return and the sun would be gone again and this would feel like a dream. The wind tore across the plains. It was damp and cold. We stood around the car quietly and took turns digging through bags to find our warm clothes we had packed away and we were silent because of the wind and the slight urgency that the sun would disappear before we had found a place to sleep for the night. I saw Brandon in his long underwear, boots untied, chasing an empty plastic bag across the parking lot towards the empty gas station. Nobody was around, and Brandon's hair looked like a sail in the wind. I buckled my belt and was very secure in my fleece and layers and I felt nervous despite this.

When we were all ready Domenic put the car in reverse and we pulled out onto the road, heading towards the rock formations looming on the horizon. From what I could tell we had almost two hours of daylight left and at least a forty five minute drive to the northwest rim. I watched the plains roll by the window and then we hit a dirt road and slowed down even more. I checked my watch and then looked back out the window at the sun vibrating above the land. It flashed in my eyes. I squinted and smiled as the shadows grew longer on my face. We turned right and passed a sign welcoming us to the park, Welcome to Badlands, Nat'l Park, it said. I looked ahead and saw the road winding across the plains and the vastness was too much to take in but it looked beautiful. As we turned a corner a few bighorn sheep crossed the road. Domenic slowed and Joeb started taking pictures. Brandon whistled, "This is pretty nuts." I laughed.

We pulled off the road at a turnaround and got out of the car. We could see it now, the badlands, stretching off in the distance like volcanoes with no end. We walked down a path and out onto a ledge that felt dangerous. On either side the rocks jutted down fifty feet into crevices and the hard dry clay flaked under our footsteps. We didn't say anything, all of us just scanning the horizon for some kind of feeling or understanding but it just brought a smile to my face and the wind picked up but the rays from the sun were baking us in our clothes. I thought we should probably keep driving and I noticed the same look on Joeb's face so we trekked back to the car.

The drive was slow, but we were captivated. The rumble of the dusty road was deafening and silent. The shadows were long now, in their last stages before they blend with the night. The sun was just above the rocks and when we came into the northwest we drove down in a gully and the sun disappeared. It was dark but we could still see the side of hillsides glowing in the light so it was a small comfort. Without warning Domenic slowed and I looked up and saw an American Bison ahead next to the road. It was grazing and enormous. We drove by it slowly not wanting to provoke it, but it barely lifted its head and lazily continued to eat in the waning hours of the day.

We found a turnaround and pulled off to the side. Domenic shut the car off, the wind was the only sound and it was strong. We started unloading the car and gathering our tents, sleeping bags, pillows, flashlights, the Jetboil, water, food, and of course whiskey. Joeb was looking off in the distance at a few peaks which created a small valley between them. The dry rock was at the horizon and looked to be about ten miles away. We were standing on rolling plains that had dried in areas and we could see prairie dogs poking their heads curiously out of their holes.

"I think we should head that way," said Joeb and we all began walking in compliance. There was no sun anymore but the night had not settled and as we began walking through the knee high straw grass I saw a full moon lingering in the sky which had a fuchsia hue. I followed Joeb with Brandon behind me. I could hear the crunch of the dried soil and breaking grass beneath my feet. Domenic was still gathering things and locking the car and he eventually caught up and the four of us paced through the flat lands until we could no longer see the car and we came upon a dried up creek a small puddle of water still stagnant at the center. We followed the creek bed and found a tree standing solitary in the grass.

"This looks pretty good to me."

"Yeah the tree is a good landmark, and I don't feel comfortable just sleeping in the middle of the grass in case we get trampled or something. Did you see all the buffalo shit?"

"Oh, that is what that is. Gross."

With the light fading fast we frantically set up the tents. The ground was hard and we had left the mallet in the car so it was difficult getting the stakes in the ground. Brandon used his knife to cut open a few cans of chili and when we had set up he had already ignited the jet boil beneath the tree. We sat quietly around the small flame and waited for the chili to boil. After a minute Domenic and I tread through the grass around the camp to make sure we hadn't set up to close to any critters or reptiles that could surprise us in the night. The wind had been subdued by the heavy night. There was a false mist that hung all around us but it was clear and I could see the brightest stars fighting for their position in the sky. They hung in a canopy of burning fire and the moon like a beacon over our heads. We were alone and I felt safe when I was at the camp.

We all ate the chili out of the pot and laughed at how decisively we finished it. We hadn't eaten much since we left Chicago and the chili was delicious. After dinner we scraped the pot clean and made sure we didn't leave any traces of scents that would draw unexpected visitors to the camp, and I sat on the ledge next to the creek and let the dark settle like dust around me. I had my flask and eventually the three joined me and we sat in the silence and I cannot remember true silence other than that night save the occasional gust of wind or cricket.

"So, this is it," said Brandon. I thought of Margaret, "this is it."

"Where the fuck are we?" laughed Joeb and I thought about the nights I'd spent in my bed and the hours I'd spent worrying about different moments of my life and they both seemed very distant and I don't know what this is at all. Even if this is it, it seems like it is not definable anymore like time and it feels humbling to not know.

"A fire would be great."

"You said it."

"I like the dark, though."

"Yeah, it is nice, a fire would be great."

I laughed, "You're right."

I took a sip of whiskey and swished the liquid in my mouth and felt it boil in my stomach-"Shh - did you hear that?"

"What? I didn't hear anything, don't mess with me."

"Shut up. Listen."

As we sat in the night a howl echoed across the plains, followed by the howling of seven or eight other coyotes.

"Way off in the distance, crazy." I quickly took another sip of whiskey.

"How far away do you think?"

"A few miles at least."

"They move quick."

"We're fine guys, relax."

"Do you think that a pack of those could take down a buffalo?"

"No chance. Those things are solid muscle."

"So where are you flying out of, Joeb?"

"Haven't thought about it, where to next?"

"We were going to go to Yellowstone, but I don't know. It's snowing there."

"So what then, the Rockies?"

"Yeah we have it marked on the map, I think we can swing south and hit the mountains by tomorrow night if we want, end in Denver? You could fly outa there."

"That works for me," and Joeb's face jerked towards the hill closest to our camp and in the silhouette atop the hill there was movement and then it was gone like it came down over the face. We could hear running and then a single, long, loud howl that pierced the night and was close, closer in the dark. Then more howls, until it was impossible to differentiate a single howl and they were getting closer until we had jumped to our feet and Joeb had unzipped his tent and we all climbed inside clutching our whiskey and fear with white knuckles.

"Are they in the camp?"

"Shut up. Listen." It was eerily silent like we had imagined the whole thing. We sat breathing too loudly for our sanity and Brandon hung his headlamp from a strap on the roof of the tent and we sat in the awkward light.

"At least I have my first line of defense," said Domenic as he tipped his flask back up over his head and let the copper liquid drain down his throat. We laughed from our nerves and I repositioned myself and we all sat with our legs crossed like in a powwow and temporarily forgot about the threat until our whiskey was gone and we had courage.

"Fuck those things, chasing us inside. I could probably take one down with this guy," said Brandon holding his knife in the fluorescent light.

"We should have held our ground, they wouldn't have all out attacked, probably just circled for a while."

"Probably what they are doing now."

Brandon laughed, "Yeah, probably."

"Well," said Domenic stretching his legs, "I could use a smoke, whose with me?"

"That'd be me," said Brandon.

"Me too," I said. Joeb shook his head, I smiled, "It's the whiskey my friend."

We all stood out in the night cautiously until our eyes adjusted. The moon was brighter than I even remembered and it didn't take long. There was nothing around us that we could see, and we stood smoking and laughing.

"Set up a perimeter with your pee."

"Yeah, that'll be the difference."

I looked off on the hillside and thought I saw movement. I turned on the flash light - eyes. Eyes scattered all over the hillside. Sets of eyes moving and floating in the air. Bright green and flashing, I held the light frozen completely captivated by the sight. We looked at one another, "Time for bed?"

In the tent I lay on the ground feeling sleep bite at my toes and safe despite the thin canvas of the tent. As I lay I heard Joeb unmistakeably start to snore and closed my eyes. Brandon nudged me as I drifted.

"Did you hear that?"

"No."

"Look, look, look at that!"

I watched as shadows cast by the moon slipped across the tent and I could hear a rustle over Joeb's snoring.

"They are in the camp. No doubt." Just then I felt something rub against my legs against the tent. I held my breath.

"Yeah, I'd say so."

All night it went on like that, or at least I think so, because despite the terror that gripped my chest sleep was stronger and I woke up to the sound of a zipper being pulled slowly as if not to wake anyone.

"My head hurts."

"Did you or Domenic wake up to the coyotes in the camp last night?" I said to Joeb.

"I did," said Domenic, "I just laid here literally shaking until I fell asleep. Joeb snored the whole time. It was awful."

"Shit. What time is it?"

"I don't know but check this out," and I poked my head out of the tent and I could see Domenic standing outside he and Joeb's tent, staring off behind us. I climbed out and looked towards the plains we had walked from and saw twenty or thirty buffalo grazing in the grey morning.

"Wow."

"Yeah."

We were all up now and we broke down camp and I was chewing on beef jerky and granola for breakfast. I was tired and the sun was hidden by a thin film of grey clouds that stretched across the whole sky and the wind moved slowly across my face. I noticed the peak which the coyotes had come down from was only a few hundred yards away and I shivered at how alone we were.

"Anyone want to hike it out before we drive again?"

"Absolutely."

"How about that peak," I pointed to the hill, "I kind of want to see what is beyond it."

We started walking and it was not a long hike but at times it was nearly vertical and we all struggled in the morning. When we reached the top we could see for miles and buffalo were everywhere, though not quite the dominance I'm sure I could have witnessed when these plains were covered in herds. So many that one herd would shake the ground for days as they traveled past. So many that it seemed like they were infinite. Now they graze scattered and lazy as we stand alone and in the cool air.

"This is beautiful in a very empty and hollow way."

"Yeah, pictures won't do this justice. It is almost not what you see, but what you don't see. Or something."

"Let's rest here for a while." We sat atop the hill in the silence and the wind. I picked at the dirt and thought about my friends and how I missed them. I imagined walking home and how it would take days to move within my sight and sighed at how it doesn't seem to matter where I am, my feelings are always the same. It is not the place that changes anything at all. In fact, it only makes everything more acute and clear. I do not stand like a pioneer, but as myself in a place which is unfamiliar but I am happy. I can tell like at night when the dark stretches across the water and in my guts I feel something there. We sat for a while and then walked down, back the way we came.